Edification - Build Confidence and Self Esteem

What is “Edification”? Lets start with the definition:

Edification \Ed`i*fi*ca"tion\, n. [L. aedificatio: cf. F. ['e]dification. See {Edify}.] 1. The act of edifying, or the state of being edified; a building up, especially in a moral or spiritual sense; moral, intellectual, or spiritual improvement; instruction.

How do we learn right from wrong or good from bad? By example? How do we know when we are right? How do we know when we are wrong? Usually there is a reaction to everything that we do. This reaction comes in the form of praise, acceptance, encouragement and satisfaction from our actions. If the action is positive then the reaction is usually positive, but if the action is negative then the reaction is usually negative. We learn through positive and negative reinforcement throughout our lives. Because we desire pleasure rather than pain, we usually learn that the positive action produces a pleasurable result and is therefore more desirable. We hopefully act accordingly.

As children we look to our parents or guardians for positive reinforcement. We learn that being good usually brings greater rewards than being bad. For most of us (or hopefully so) we grew up in an environment that provided us positive reinforcement for what we did well. Hopefully most of us were encouraged when a talent was uncovered as we grew. All of us are talented in many ways and some of us need the positive encouragement to pursue these talents where others can and do derive personal pleasure pursuing these talents. Overall however, I believe that all of us need positive encouragement to realize our true potential.

Where have we gone wrong? Why do we constantly beat people down? Why do we prefer to highlight someone’s deficiency rather than their talent? Why do we assault someone for their ethnic background or skin color rather than celebrate their goodness and what they offer society and us? We make a judgement based on outward appearance before we know the person. We don’t give ourselves the opportunity to see what most people can offer us because we have already made our minds up that they are less then us because of something that is different and not acceptable to us. We make our judgement before the person even has a chance to wow us with their talent or offering.

We not only do this with strangers; we do this with our own family and friends. We bash ideas that are presented by family and friends as “stupid” rather than listening and supporting our loved ones. We say negative words to our loved ones constantly… “Don’t be so stupid” “Don’t be an idiot” “That won’t work” “Get your head out of the clouds” “Be realistic” “You are a dreamer”. There are obviously many more negative things that we say but I am sure you get the picture.

When we are kids we want attention of our parents or guardians. If we don’t get positive attention and reinforcement then we will go for the negative – at least we are getting attention. If negative attention is all that we get I believe that we become programmed to look for just this kind of attention. We are programmed for life to look for and give negative reinforcement instead of positive. Does handing out negative reinforcement make us feel better about ourselves? Does it? Sure, if you have never had positive reinforcement then handing out the negative means that someone else is less than you are. Therefore we feel better? I am not trying to play psychologist here - this is just personal observation and theory.

What would happen to our world if we were positive and supportive of people? What would happen if we complemented people and encouraged them? What would life be like if we felt good about our accomplishments and recognized that our talents were respected and needed? Don’t we strive to do an even better job when our boss pats us on the back? Don’t we crave the pride of our parents when we do well, and don’t we enjoy what we do that much more? Don’t we help people more when we are thanked and appreciated? Don’t we feel better about ourselves and become stronger when we believe that we are worthy, productive and contributing in our society?

We can all become better through edification. Edification is an interesting thing. Start small and build up. Edify someone at your work place. It is as simple as – “You know, you do this job so well each time that I was hoping you would take it on again.” Instead of – “Can you do this again?” Edify your kids, your mother, your brother… With your kid it is as simple as – “Hey, a C+ is better than the C you got last time! You obviously put more effort in and you are getting better. Way to go.” Instead of – “You can do better than a C+”. It is a simple way of building confidence and giving praise in a positive but subtle way. Edification is not pouring compliments all over people in a patronizing way – it is sincere and calculated positive speak.

Would you not feel good as that kid if your parents gave you a “way to go” instead of just a “you can do better”? Now you don’t feel a failure and you have motivation to do even better. As the work colleague, you may have always done a good job on that particular project but now someone has acknowledged it in a subtle way. You now have a positive feeling of accomplishment and know that my work is not just taken for granted. You go through the rest of the day with a smile on your face.

You know what is interesting is that usually when you become a positive person that is dishing out the positive, you start to receive it back! We all love a positive environment and when you start to feel what it is like then you want to be a part of it. If you are positive then others will be too. It is an infectious feeling that only the most committed “sour puss” won’t fall prey to!

We are all guilty of breaking people rather than building them. We all do it in subtle ways. With some introspection and careful choice of words we can all offer positive reinforcement and build stronger lives and relationships too. Relationships in the home, in the workplace, and on the street can benefit from edification.

Edification is blind to racial background, religion, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, body type, if you wear glasses, if you are bald, if you dress differently… Edification is about what is positive inside that person. Edification is about what that person does well and not what they don’t do well.

Think about what edification can do in our lives. Think about what edification can do for our loved ones in prison. We know that prison is a horribly negative environment where men and women are beaten into mental and emotional submission. We know that our loved ones in prison don’t receive praise for anything that they do inside of prison. I would suppose that each and every one of them gets a good healthy dose of NEGATIVE on a daily basis. Let’s build our loved ones up to feel purposeful and positive about their existence. Start small and grow your positive speak. Don’t dish it all out at once because they will wonder what has hit them so hard and it will appear canned. Sometimes we are all so negatively programmed that we really have to look hard to find something that we can promote positively. We are not used to looking at anything in this way so we struggle at first. Have patience it will come.

I have been involved with groups that are focused on the positive of the members for some time. I am an advocate at my workplace of supporting accomplishment and recognizing talent and ability. We all have unique abilities and we all have deficiencies – lets celebrate the abilities.

My Partner has commented on the fact that I can offer him more praise in one letter than he has received in his lifetime from family and friends. This is sad – really sad! I am not even looking for things to praise with my Partner, they are all there in the forefront! He has incredible talents, skills, and deep emotions and caring that has been hidden for so long. He has just never been in receipt of positive support and reinforcement. Never! This is such a shame. When I first met this man I was looking so hard for something to praise because he was always commenting on the fact (accepted in his mind) that he was a %$#@ UP! – His words. It took some time to find a crack in the cement that had cured so many years ago but I finally found one. Now don’t start to think that this is a ‘project’ for me because it is not. This is the way that I am and I will always look first for the good and only look at the bad if it overshadows… I like a positive environment and I will always look for a positive comment to make. My Partner could not make a complement or positive reinforcing statement to me in the beginning. It was just out of his realm. It was just foreign to him. Now he offers me the same positive support that I give him. This is a changed man but I am not responsible for this change. All I did was build him up with words! Just words! The positive worth as a person was there all the time, it had just been beaten into submission by negativity over so many years. He has never viewed himself as anything but a %$#@ up! Wow!

Our Prisoners are much more than their crimes! They have worth and they can give and receive love. No matter what the crime, there is someone out there that loves him or her. They all have/had a mother, father, brother or sister. Let’s show them that they have worth. Let’s show them that they have value. Our Prisoners probably need more positive edification than some others do and it will have nothing but positive results. Positive breeds positive – it is an amazing thing.

Edify them. It will come back to you (and them) I promise!